Great Truths That Little Children Have Learned

  • No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats
  • When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair
  • If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person
  • Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato
  • You can’t trust dogs to watch your food
  • Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair
  • Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time
  • You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk
  • Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts
  • The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap

Great Truths That Adults Have Learned

  • Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree
  • Wrinkles don’t hurt
  • Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts
  • Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground
  • Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside
  • Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy

Great Truths About Growing Old

  • Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional
  • Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get
  • When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there
  • You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster
  • It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions
  • Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician
  • Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone